Dementia: Don’t Grieve Conceive!

Posted at 2.00 am:

 

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I have just phoned the Konar Suite to speak to a Nurse to check whether my support to Maureen has been appropriate.  She was in floods of tears a short while ago because ‘they had found a dead baby’.  This was the second time this week that she has been overwhelmed with this thought.

When I returned from shopping on Thursday the carer told me that Maureen had suffered ‘a major stress’.  Unaware of Maureen’s personal history she had consoled her by telling her that she had been dreaming.  She didn’t know that Maureen’s second born had died at three months when she was twenty-one.  I did and reassured her that the baby knew she loved him and she had done everything she could to keep him alive.

Some of my cyber friends have stressed the importance of coaching for Care Partners. How fortunate that I’m able to call on support from the Konar Suite 24/7.  This morning’s Nurse shared with me that her mother had to go into Residential Care because she was obsessed with a dead baby being in the house.  She had suffered a similar fate to Maureen and the woman at the end of the phone was the solution.   Maureen’s son who we met in Coventry on Friday was seen as the solution to her loss and a  replacement for a young child who never made it to his first birthday.

If carers are to have any chance of providing appropriate support to Maureen they need to have a potted history of her life.  She has had an eventful life and tried to bury some of her bad experiences: as dementia takes its toll they are coming back to haunt her!

Footnote:  Now that I’ve received some reassurance and cleared my thinking I hope to get back to sleep: thanks for listening!

 

 

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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