Dementia: The Penny Has Finally Dropped

Image result for The Penny Has Dropped Picture

It has taken a long time but the penny has finally dropped- the Best Interest Meeting on the 6th of April is now the only way forward.  Maureen continues to be a combative mood, struggling to accept that she lacks the capacity to decide upon her future care and accommodation.  There is little point in relating her ongoing diatribe about her incarceration here and my shortcomings.  This is ‘Mrs Dementia’ at full throttle rather than my lovely wife.  My Support Plan is no longer adequate to cope with her presentation: Carer Burnout is looming.

I know that the hard-working professionals who are doing their level best to support us will understand how difficult it is when a loved one is changing beyond all recognition and you are doing your best to hang on to what is left.  Therefore, it is reassuring that the meeting on the 6th of April will seek to protect both of our interests.

Our Key Worker managed to put in some additional support yesterday and more of the same will be needed until the BIM.  ‘Girl Thursday’ also gave me some helpful coaching with a stark reminder ‘not to pander to her’.  Worn out after another night with little sleep I was misguidedly giving options to Maureen rather than serving her food that she usually likes.  With sleep in my eyes, I had forgotten that she lacks the capacity to make decisions. However, she is definitely leaving here today: ‘no longer prepared to be a skivvy in this Care Home!’

I have just stumbled across this poem which is worth reflecting upon as the BIM draws closer:

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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4 Responses to Dementia: The Penny Has Finally Dropped

  1. Gill says:

    I know you don’t find it particularly helpful to hear/read people saying you are doing an excellent job – so let me put it in a different way. You are inspirational in the manner in which you care for your lovely Maureen in the face of Mrs Dementia pushing her out of the way so frequently. It’s hard. It’s tough. You are not going to be perfect all the time. However the old Maureen knew how to choose her life partner, and would surely have give you high praise for the way in which you tackle Mrs Dementia and being out the lovely Maureen in the face of lack of sleep and adversity. Oh that I find the strength as you have done to push through the fatigue in the face of such vitriol and not give up. Thinking of you as always. Tough, tough, tough. whatever the ultimate decisions are, it will never be a failing on your part – you love for Maureen and the desire to do what is best for her is amazing! We can only ever do our best!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Remember Me says:

      Thanks Gill I really apprecaite your support. One of the things that dementia teaches us is how distinguish between those who care and those who say they care!

      Like

      • Gill says:

        Absolutely!! I can tell blame people for not knowing what it is really like…. night time is the worst and most isolating when trying to cope. I blurted out a few things when woken for the umpteenth time last night/early this morning!! But I try not to be too hard on myself!

        Like

  2. Gill says:

    Sorry – typo on iPhone. I can’t blame people was how it was supposed to start!

    Liked by 1 person

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