Dementia: All The Way

Maureen’s self-image was under further attack yesterday when we visited a relative who has her own troubles at the moment.  Unfortunately, her aunt added further fuel to the fire by failing to pay much attention to how Maureen was feeling.  As we walked home I listened as Maureen told her tale of woe and drove a further nail in her coffin ‘that nobody loves her’.

On our homeward journey, Maureen returned to her her theme that visitors to our home are now few and far between.  Although she forgets when people have been, and understands that family members have busy lives, she has a point. The words of her late daughter are worth recalling here: she often said ‘I have a lot on my plate because I put a lot on my plate’.  Her plate was always full but she was our most regular visitor until her condition weakened her so much that she could no longer make it to Cleethorpes.  Maureen really misses her daughter knowing her action spoke louder than any words could ever do.  Celine and Frank have a few words to say on this front:

It has been another difficult night with Maureen lashing out on several fronts.  Theft has been a constant theme of her discourse with the initial focus being on me stealing her car and warnings about the consequences of taking it again.  At 2.30 this morning I was again the guilty party for failing to prevent thieves from stealing her clothes. It has been one of those occasions when Maureen has an unplayable hand and empathy – even a cup of tea – have made little difference.

It is not easy to be at your best when you are woken in the early hours to find Maureen in full flow; particularly when the changes in presentation are so dramatic that you can never predict what you are going to be up against. As I  tried to stem the tide at 2.30 I wondered where the compassionate woman had gone who a couple of hours earlier had been attending to my needs as if I was a young child who was feeling unwell.

I’m hoping that Dan the Man will help me to change things for the better on Tuesday.  He is booked and I’m hoping a day of peace, love, and tranquility at the Madhyamaka Buddhist Meditation Centre will have a lasting impact on us both.  If the going is really good we might even stay overnight.

Maureen found me in the garden early this morning digging a trench for this season’s kidney beans.  She called out: ‘granddad it is too cold for you to be out there’.  I didn’t mind her confusion as she always knew how much he cherished her and he was from a generation that was never too busy to see his family: he loved her all the way!

 

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: All The Way

  1. anniegoose says:

    sadly you cannot blame people for not coming to visit. a lot of people cannot handle being around people with dementia.

    Like

    • Remember Me says:

      I am not blaming anyone anniegoose I’m merely stating a fact: Maureen feels deserted and betrayed. She is also fed up with professional staff seeing the disease rather than the person and so am I!

      Like

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