Dementia: Please Cut Us Some Slack!

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Today marks the third anniversary of Maureen’s stroke: the culmination of a catalogue of errors.  It was three days after presenting at Accident and Emergency at Grimsby Hospital before she was sent to the Stroke Unit at Scunthorpe. On arrival, we were asked ‘why have they sent her here?  It’s too late for us to do anything’.  The window for thrombolysis had long been shut and our journey was rather pointless.  When I look back this was the final straw in missed opportunities where few had been interested in listening to my concerns about Maureen’s faltering memory.

Maureen now has a diagnosis of moderate to severe dementia.  She has recently been confronted with the nature of her condition: despite choosing to be in denial for three years.  I’m not sure anything has been gained by trying to bring her out of denial – the process has certainly scared the living daylights out of her, as has preparation for the Best Interest Meeting concerning her future care and accommodation.

Sometimes Maureen’s reality is I’m seeking to have her taken in a Care Home because I want all of her possessions for myself.  My reassurances fall on deaf ears when the going gets tough. Therefore, I am requesting that we are left alone until Monday 13th of March and the procession of professional staff to our home is temporarily suspended.  The one exception being our Key Worker who Maureen calls ‘Ginger’ as she likes him to pop in to see how things are going.  We need to see if my strategy to distract and redirect (outlined below) will give Maureen the strength to cope with the ramifications of the BIM. My concern is that if we don’t cut her some slack she will carry out her threat to ‘give up’ and that is not in anyone’s  best interests!

We need to see if my strategy to distract and redirect (outlined below) will give Maureen the strength to cope with the ramifications of the BIM. My concern is that if we don’t cut her some slack she will carry out her threat to ‘give up’ and that is not in anyone’s  best interests!

Monday the 6th of March is my brother’s birthday.  He has Alzheimer’s and is on Continuing Health Care in a Nursing Home.  Three days later it is my mother’s birthday. She has vascular dementia and is in a Care Home.  Next week needs to be set aside so that our chauffeur can take us to see our loved ones.  Dementia is such a significant factor in our lives and a compassionate approach is needed at this moment in time, rather than trying to bounce us into the procedures of the Mental Capacity Act!

Footnote: This post is being forwarded to all professional staff who are providing support to us on this journey.  I will also copy to Maureen’s G P as I seek his permission to give her prescribed medication covertly.  The ongoing battle to persuade her to take tablets is draining!

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
This entry was posted in Mixed Dementia and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Dementia: Please Cut Us Some Slack!

  1. AmazingSusan says:

    Hoping for the best for both of you.

    Liked by 2 people

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