Dementia: Being Upfront

Image result for Being Up Front PictureI have now left professional staff in no doubt about the outcome I’m looking for at Friday’s Best Interest Meeting.  Maureen and I want to stay together and I will play no further part in any plans to put her into permanent care. However, I would want the meeting to come up with a safe solution for Respite Care.

There has never been a satisfactory outcome when Maureen has gone into Respite Care.   On her birthday I found her bruised and battered in a place that a Specialist Doctor said was likely to lead to a further deterioration of her condition.  Then she escaped from another Residential Home and refused to move from the Centre of Cleethorpes until I came to pick her up.  A later attempt resulted in a phone call to inform me the police had found her when the Care Home were not aware that she was missing.  Finally, I visited her at the aforementioned  Home in the latest attempt at Respite and the staff were unclear of her whereabouts.  Eventually, I found her in what is called the ‘new build’; a suite of rooms yet to be brought into commission.  She was shut in an unlit room in an unsupervised part of the building. Following this incident, this area has eventually been made inaccessible.

I think there are serious questions to be asked about the monitoring of  Homes where we have sought Respite with the support of the Local Authority.  Maureen has been at risk on four occasions and there are issues about the reaction from a number of quarters.  Consequently, I’m in the process of seeking legal advice on how my wife is being put at risk when we are paying the going rate and anticipate a duty of care.

It has taken a while for me to comprehend why Maureen keeps saying that ‘I ‘ve tricked her or I’m attempting to trick her’.  I think it is her way of saying that I have sold her a pup – saying: ‘Respite will be good for her when it has clearly not’.  I have given her my word there will be ‘no more trickery from me’ and that from now on we’ll  stay safe together!

 

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: Being Upfront

  1. dbb34 says:

    I have believed in being very open and honest in my dealings with everyone and I expect the same courtesy, doesn’t always happen. All my old students know this which is why so many of them have always kept in touch and after all these years still want my approval. Many tell me how important I was to them.

    I actually put the doctor at mum’s home through many hoops and was able to point out that he was not conversant with the latest strategy doc put out by the hospital board. A staff member later told me that he had said to someone ‘good luck dealing with Diane’. I just thought ‘yes’ at least they are becoming aware I know what I am talking about and I won’t just give in to what they say (I did win that battle) and I must say they were very loath to take me on after that skirmish. I shouldn’t have had to do it but …

    Imagine if a teacher kept regularly losing pupils! There would be a public outcry, what has happened to Maureen is no different.

    Go for what you know is right for the two of you but remember to take care of you 😇💤❤️ Sending good vibes, hugs

    Like

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