Dementia: Refusing To Go Into A Care Home

Image result for I WANT TO STAY IN MY HOME DEMENTIA PICTUREMaureen asserted throughout yesterday her right to remain at home.  Despite various attempts to ease her into Ashgrove Care Home, she was adamant that she wanted to stay in her own home.  As she said: ‘I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m not a criminal: you can’t make me go anywhere’.  She also said that if I was struggling to sleep, I was the one who needed help and should move out to allow her own family to look after her.

There is no doubt that Maureen remains a very intelligent woman, able to use logic and rational thought.  Her arguments for staying in her own home were perfectly  understandable considering her experience of Care Homes.  I had to remove her from Ladysmith Road bruised and broken on her birthday.  She escaped from Royal Court and Ashgrove as she hates being locked in anywhere.  Her faltering short-term memory means that she can’t remember the details of her incarceration but the scars are there in her emotional memory.

Maureen was afraid to go into a deep sleep last night for fear of being taken away.  She is now worried if I’m out of sight.  Therefore, we have to be very careful this morning to ensure that our next moves don’t push her over the edge.  Despite being exhausted I intend to help Maureen hold the line on staying in her own home.  There is no simple solution to the current impasse but I will not collude with any plans to deprive my wife of her liberty.

Although I’m exhausted and would love to be enjoying planned respite, I intend to help Maureen hold the line on staying in her own home.  There is no simple solution to the current impasse but I will not collude with any plans to deprive my wife of her liberty.

Gary our social worker will be here this morning.  It is his turn to try to move things forward.   Sue from the Home Treatment Team could get no change out of Maureen yesterday, despite her success a few weeks ago.  After more than half an hour she recommended backing off to avoid further distress. As Sue left, she commented how much Maureen had deteriorated  since her last visit: don’t I know it!


About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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6 Responses to Dementia: Refusing To Go Into A Care Home

  1. anniegoose says:

    hang tough – you are doing a great job

    hopefully you will get some sleep soon. sleep is important for you also.

    blessings and {{{{{hugs}}}}}

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Diane Brooks says:

    My thoughts are with you it can be so hard. You sound like me in so many ways, I can always empathise with the situations others are in and fully understand their points of view. We want the best for them and It is often to our detriment which we do recognise. My attitude has always been that I want to know (for myself) that I have done the best I can for Mum or John (and others). The guilt I felt when Mum had to go into care was horrific but it had become unsafe with only me to look after her. It took me ages to come to terms with that.

    I found I needed to have a good routine for them. I kept talking and ensuring that they knew what was happening. For them this worked (by in large) but not always.

    I admire how you are supporting Maureen and ensuring she has the best quality of life.

    Hang in there you are doing a great job 😇😇💞

    Liked by 1 person

  3. AmazingSusan says:

    Unfortunately, sometimes there are no good solutions 😦 Clearly you must look after yourself; if something happens to you, we all know what will happen to Maureen 😦 On the positive side, all things evolve and eventually pass.


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