Dementia: It’s Time To Walk Away

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The going got particularly tough last night, as it has been on several occasions, in the last week.  Maureen was lambasting me for the appalling state of this ‘Care Home’.  She spent a large part of the day trying to do up a broken zip on her favourite cardigan frequently expressing her frustration that ‘this place is rubbish’   She exclaimed that: ‘everywhere in the house stinks, and there is nowhere for her to sleep in this dump’.

It was one of those occasions where I had to  take several deep breaths, walk away, and hope that things would be a little different with the passing of time.

Maureen returned to the attack at 4 am this morning; blasting me with both barrels for letting other people steal her clothes.  I tried several Compassionate Communication strategies without success; eventually walked away and left her to it.  YouTube became my escape from the ongoing rant and I chose songs to reflect the struggle when Mrs Dementia is at full throttle.  If you visit my Good Music page you will hear what I mean

Unfortunately, we have new kids (carers) on the block on Tuesday and Thursday.  I’m hoping that the Care Agency will be able to switch Hilary into one of those slots as Maureen really enjoyed her company last week – two new faces in a week will not help at all

Dianne, one of our carers, has agreed to do a long shift on Wednesday so I can visit family in Coventry.  If my sleep pattern continues to improve I might even drive down and call in at a branch of Leading Labels, near Lincoln, to see if I can find a replacement cardigan in the same colour as the one that is damaged.  However, I’m not naive enough to expect any praise if I manage to find another cardigan.  The more likely scenario it is that I will be accused of desertion: compassion and empathy went out of the window here as soon as dementia took its toll on Maureen’s personality.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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