Dementia: Doubts and Misgivings

I know I have a tendency to go by first impressions but I think my hunch about Ladysmith Care Home was correct: it’s still looking good. When I chose Maureen’s room on the morning prior to her taking up residency I developed a positive feeling about the place. I spent over three hours there yesterday and I have seen she is in safe and skilled hands.

Whenever I have visited my mother and brother in their respective Homes in Coventry I always watch what is going on.  They are both being well looked after yet there is room for lots of improvement.  On occasions I have seen red flags that in my opinion would not pass inspection.  I have yet to see anything at Maureen’s Home that gives me any cause for concern.  In fact the place oozes person-centred care in theory and practice.

Maureen sees things rather differently; believing I have put her away because I don’t want her at home any longer.  She also says that residents are ‘treated like idiots, therefore they have become idiots’.  She spends a lot of her time trying to support fellow residents who she feels are not being well treated by an unhelpful regime.

During my visits my status with Maureen has ranged from hero to zero.  When she first saw me she broke down because she believed I had abandoned her and left her there to rot.  Once I had been with her for a while doubts arose and recriminations followed.  She is clearly suspicious about what I’m up now I am out of sight for most of the day. 

The next few days are full of opportunities to move forward on our journey.  We all need to take one day at a time and tread very carefully if this period of respite is to have a productive outcome.  Our approach has to remain person- centred as we try to determine the next steps on this arduous journey.  It is an opportunity for us all to put our money where our mouth is and do everything we can to preserve Maureen’s independence.

I couldn’t make it any clearer to Maureen than Errol Brown does it in this song:

However, I’m not naive enough to believe I can do it by myself:  it’s going to be a Team effort with a combination of family and professional support.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: Doubts and Misgivings

  1. Yes, one day at a time. Or, on some days, one hour at a time. 🙂

    Like

  2. Remember Me says:

    Now who sang that one Lemony ?

    Like

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