Dementia: In Safe Hands

Maureen escapedthe clutches of the local ‘Neighbourhood Watch’ yesterday and fortunately ended up in safe hands. My back had only been turned for a few minutes and she hopped it.  I gave her some time, taking George Rook’s point that she doesn’t want to be treated like a child, then I got on my bike and searched for her in her normal haunts.  As I made my way back home after a fruitless search my Mobile rang with news of her whereabouts.

Maureen couldn’t have been in safer hands with her cousin Terry and his wife Glynn.  Both of their father’s had dementia so they know the condition well.  When Terry picked her up in his car she told him I  was sleeping.  She also said I rarely went out for walks and that was why she was on her own heading into Cleethorpes.  It wasn’t until I showed him the photo of our early morning walk that he realised the extent of her confabulation.

I couldn’t prise her from the sofa again last night when I retired shortly before 10 pm.  She woke around 11.30 pm and could see no reason why I shouldn’t join her in the marital bed.  Before retiring she took off the two pairs of trousers she has been wearing for days and put on her P J bottoms. 

Unfortunately I have only slept fitfully after moving beds: unable to shut down my thinking.  It’s difficult to accept that my few days respite is only a week away as I am feeling weary again from the constant demands here.  

Early this morning Maureen has once again shared her fear of strange men trying to get into her bed.   I have heeded the advice of the Clinical Psychologist from the Stroke Team and am being very careful about my behaviour in the bedroom.  However, despite the messages from my Buddhist friends about attachment it is not easy to Let Go of your wife and focus on being a Care Partner rathet than a husband.

Sue our social worker contacted me yesterday to confirm that the Agency is trying to accommodate a visit to Coventry in a week’s time.  I will be using public transport this time and hope the journey will be restful:  which was hardly the case on my last visit when I had to cope with Maureen’s mood swings whilst trying to navigate busy roads. 

Chloe our longest serving carer returns after her holiday this morning.  I think she will be surprised by the progression of Maureen’s dementia in the two weeks that she has been away.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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