Dementia: ‘It’s A No Brainer’

 

At yesterday’s morning meditation Kelsang Dorde made a simple point: ‘if you can’t change a situation: change your mind’.  He followed it up by saying: ‘it’s a no brainer’ and I teased him afterwards asking if he was quoting from our Spiritual Guide.

There is no doubt that Maureen is struggling to make sense of me leaving her for a couple of days.  Dementia has robbed her of logic and rational thought alongside her problems with short-term memory.  So she has no recollection of how claiming that the sofa is her bed and waking me night after night has exhausted me.  All she can remember that I left her with carers while I went away.

Last night she took to the sofa at 7 pm and woke at 1.30 am frightened by the noise from a dog in the street.  Once again I have struggled to get back to sleep as I have with the early morning recriminations about deserting my wife in her hour of need.

I’m hoping that some early morning meditation will allow me to quieten my mind so that kindness will take over from my current feelings of frustration with the behaviour of others in my absence and on my return.  As Dorde says ‘it’s a no brainer’: I simply have to change my mind rather than wasting my energy focusing on the behaviour of other people.

 

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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4 Responses to Dementia: ‘It’s A No Brainer’

  1. Henri says:

    Meditation is the way to go…whether we are trying to cope as a caregiver / care partner or simply trying to prevent dementia. In my case, it helped me heal. I need to go back to my vipassana, a form of meditation that has its root in Buddhism. Being a care partner is hard. We have to keep our expectations in check – of ourselves and of other people. I hope it helps quieten your mind.

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  2. Some time back I watched a discussion on TV with similar message. It’s no use getting angry with others and finding fault in others. They are what they are. We should condition our minds and think of only positivity.
    I try to think positive in all situations but it is not always possible. After all we are humans and have our own weaknesses. Of course we can strive to improve ourselves. I can say from my experience that meditation and breathing exercises if done regularly, help a lot. I feel I have become much more patient now.

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