At yesterday’s morning meditation Kelsang Dorde made a simple point: ‘if you can’t change a situation: change your mind’. He followed it up by saying: ‘it’s a no brainer’ and I teased him afterwards asking if he was quoting from our Spiritual Guide.
There is no doubt that Maureen is struggling to make sense of me leaving her for a couple of days. Dementia has robbed her of logic and rational thought alongside her problems with short-term memory. So she has no recollection of how claiming that the sofa is her bed and waking me night after night has exhausted me. All she can remember that I left her with carers while I went away.
Last night she took to the sofa at 7 pm and woke at 1.30 am frightened by the noise from a dog in the street. Once again I have struggled to get back to sleep as I have with the early morning recriminations about deserting my wife in her hour of need.
I’m hoping that some early morning meditation will allow me to quieten my mind so that kindness will take over from my current feelings of frustration with the behaviour of others in my absence and on my return. As Dorde says ‘it’s a no brainer’: I simply have to change my mind rather than wasting my energy focusing on the behaviour of other people.