Dementia: ‘Throwing The Towel In’

kPRft.jpgThis morning I will be informing Sue our Social Worker that the current arrangements for me as a Care Partner are no longer sustainable: my well-being is now at risk.  Maureen’s presentation has become increasingly challenging and I have been further exhausted by her behaviour earlier this morning..

Maureen woke up around 1 am and launched into a personal attack: labelling me as a thief and much more for stealing her car.   The ‘attack’ lasted for some time before she stopped wandering around the house hurling insults in my direction.  It is never easy to get back to sleep after such events and today has been no exception.  Once she was back in bed I alerted Focus (Social Services) to the situation and had a supportive chat with Kirsten.

Maureen woke a couple of times later in the morning: clearly scared out of her wits. Fortunately, I was no longer the enemy and have been able to console her with tea along with reassurance that I will stay by her side and never leave her.  It was very disturbing to see how frightened  Maureen had become.  It is also challenging to know how to provide comfort as I have been warned of the dangers of  physical contact when Maureen is unsure who I am and may see me as yet another potential abuser.

When Sue starts her shift at 8.30 am I will be ‘throwing the towel in’.  I hope I am able to stay focused by reflecting on the poster from the Alzheimer’s Care Resource Center above.  My plan is to take respite (refuge) at the Buddhist Centre in York for a couple of days. If my recovery from this infection allows I hope to be in the company of Kelsang Dorde, Kelsang Chogma (pictured below) and their colleagues very soon.  It will be good to be surrounded by kindred spirits as I seek to rejuvenate a worn out sole and find the energy to continue on this unforgiving journey.

 

Edit: At 8.30 this morning Sue our social worker phoned to say she is already on the case trying to organise the care that I have requested so that I can get the respite I need.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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10 Responses to Dementia: ‘Throwing The Towel In’

  1. Tom Schuller says:

    Paul, this doesn’t sound like throwing the towel in, it’s taking a respite. good for the buddhists, I’m sure you’ll benefit take care Tom

    On Mon, Jul 4, 2016 at 7:01 AM, Living Well With Dementia wrote:

    > Remember Me posted: “This morning I will be informing Sue our Social > Worker that the current arrangements for me as a Care Partner are no longer > sustainable: my well-being is now at risk. Maureen’s presentation has > become increasingly challenging and I have been further exha” >

    Like

  2. frangipani says:

    Have a good break. Well deserved.

    Like

  3. Mary Smith says:

    I’m sorry to read of the further difficulties, especially after a couple of good weeks. I hope you manage to get the respite you need. As Tome above said this is not ‘throwing in the towel’ but simply asking for the help you need right now.

    Like

  4. Mary Smith says:

    Tom, not Tome. Sorry, Tom.

    Like

  5. Jack Moyle says:

    Feeling for you Paul…take some well deserved time out..Keep Lookin Up

    Like

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