Dementia: Ménage A` Quatre

We tried something new last night and both seemed to enjoy the experience: with a King Sized Bed a foursome was no problem. The only difficulty that emerged was when I reached out to hold Maureen’s hand around  3 am and came across her bear.  A further lunge led to me finding my own bear residing further down the bed.  It was then that I remembered that we had both joined up in the marital bed around 11.30 pm and not returned the bears to their den before falling asleep almost as soon as our heads touched the pillow.

We had another positive day yesterday settling nicely into a sensible routine.  When I returned from the Leisure Centre Chloe was in ‘hairdresser mode’ finishing off Maureen’s hair.   I was charged with paying up after listening to Maureen’s frustration that about how long things take now she needs others to help her shower and wash her hair.

The afternoon siesta followed my Friday special of home-made fish and chips.  The local chippie cannot compete with my potato wedges (cooked in coconut oil of course) and baked haddock in cheese and leek sauce.  Our afternoon siesta went well with us both getting a couple of hours rest.

We had a lovely walk in the evening sun walking taking in the prom and keeping an eye on the night spots in the area.  On our return we watched the goggle box for a while and Maureen rested her eyes on the sofa.  I turned in around 10 pm and left Maureen too it until I heard her stirring via the Baby Monitor an hour and a half later.

When your wife has dementia her ‘no’ often means ‘yes’ so I joined her in the marital bed obviously leaving the bears in place in case their version of events was ever needed.  It’s the Cleethorpes Folk and Cider Festival tonight: Maureen was delighted last year when Merlin’s Keep sang ‘You Are My Sunshine’ – a song her dad often sang to her when she was a small child..  I might just have a word with them to see if they will sing it as a request tonight: that would be a lovely way to end the evening!

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: Ménage A` Quatre

  1. Amanda says:

    I joined TP about 12 months ago and regularly read your posts back then about Maureen packing to go home and her need to go out and about unsupervised.

    Back then I didn’t understand. I thought it foolhardy to gamble on Maureen’s ability to find her way home, but 12 months on I am starting to understand just how hard it it to find a balance between keeping in my case my mum safe and making her feel like a trapped child. I now appreciate just how fine a tightrope you were (and still are) walking. I just wanted to say that you do a fantastic job treddiing that tightrope and you really are an inspiration.

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  2. Remember Me says:

    Thanks Amanda what a shame we both don’t have a safety net as we face our journey. My dilemma is trying to keep Maureen in good spirits and safe whilst trying to preserve her independence. Only last night she was telling me how to keep safe as we crossed the road and regailing the Occupational Therapist who declared her unsafe to be out alone. I just have a feeling that we could help her remember the Green Cross Code again!

    I have a Digital Tracker now with a panic button if Maureen is unsure of her way home. It is on standby until I am sure that crossing the road doesn’t put Maureen at risk. It’s not the priority now but one day I might have the courage to take it out of the drawer and see how it goes.

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