Dementia: ‘They’re Coming To Take Me Away’

Sue our new social worker visited yesterday for the first time and was with us for an hour and a half.  Initially Maureen was very nervous with yet another professional in the house, on a mission to prove: ‘she is mad and not the full shilling’. That was not surprising as her last experience of someone calling at the house eded up in being ‘dumped at a mental home’. So when I reflect Maureen’s agenda was to convince Sue that she hadn’t reached the stage where she needed to be locked away; a constant fear.  Therefore it wasn’t surprising that Maureen took every opportunity to demonstrate that her intellect was still intact.  Early on she was at pains to recall when her birthday was, and that she could recite from July until February without pausing.

What is puzzling me is what profile social services already hold on us?  I would expect that there has been a handover of our case, and Sue should be ready to roll.  I am sorely tempted to ask for a disclosure of our records to establish what social services are working on.  I just wonder how they see us as a couple?  I recall Maureen being grilled on a previous occasion to try to find if her fear of men came from my behaviour?  It is so tiring for her to tell her story time and time again, and it is not surprising that she was exhausted following Sue’s visit.

I think the time has come for me to present a profile of Maureen from my perspective; as things have moved on since the proforma I used in April.  This document can only help discussions about my Carer’s Assessment and a review of Maureen’s Care Plan.

It was not surprising that Maureen slept for most of the day following Sue’s visit.  Performing to try to retain your liberty must be exhausting when you have suffered stroke and have dementia.

I had  real problems perusading Maureen to move from the sofa where she spent most of the evening. Once upstairs the old fears, and anxieties, surfaced at a time when I was on my knees.  It took all I had left to keep my cool and settle her, being extremely careful to avoid any form of physical contact as I she didn’t know who I was.  When I told her I was Paul she said: ‘You have the same name as my husband. There are a lot of people with that name around here.’

When I put in YouTube the other day Maureen was in fits of laughter at this rave from the grave: They’re coming to take me away, hah hah.  Obviously not really a laughing matter for Maureen as that is just what happened before. That incident makes life really difficult for Sue.  How can Maureen be expected to trust any professional after that little episode?

What is evident this morning is that Maureen is far from the charming person she presented to Sue.  She is aggressive even hostile towards me as she searches for her dressing gown.   She wants to know iif I have lent it to someone else in this Care Home?’  Perhaps, once again, I am ‘the ponce’ , as she put it, who conspired with Tracey to get her locked away.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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2 Responses to Dementia: ‘They’re Coming To Take Me Away’

  1. So much to endure at such a time of vulnerability.

    Like

  2. Remember Me says:

    Indeed there is and Maureen tries her very best to endure such difficulties.

    Like

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