Dementia: What About Me?

It’s early in the morning once again.  I have woken myself up this time, no-one else is to blame.  Maureen is sleeping peacefully, thank goodness, and my mind is active far too early in the morning.  With a meeting with my Admiral Nurse  this morning and my social worker tomorrow I am trying to clarify my thinking about my aspirations.  Put quite simply it is that I want to be more than a Care Partner.

There are some people who almost brag about their total devotion to their loved one.  Any perusal of Talking Point will reveal harrowing tales of endless struggle, and acceptance of an impossible burden.  Often the marriage contract is used to justify heroic struggle, even when the odds are stacked heavily against the Care Partner.  I do not believe Maureen would expect that of me or me of her.

There are lines in the sand in our relationship, and our love is not based on evidence of self scarifice.  In fact I have often heard Maureen hint, and even say: ‘if this is becoming too much for you, put me in a Care Home’.  That is a measure of Maureen’s love: she would endure facing her worste nightmare rather than feel she was spoiling my life.

I have already outlined my thinking on being more than a Care Partner in The Way Ahead.

Once I have crossed the bridge of a Carers’ Assessment I will be a better Care Partner for Maureen.  Quite simply, because I will become myself again.  It’s such a shame that this process has been postponed so many times.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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