Dementia: Compassionate Confrontation

Yesterday I posted about my plans to embark on a period of Tough Love rather than continuing an indulgent approach to Maureen’s dementia.  You will note from revisions to my About page that I see little point in avoiding using our names from now on.  So it’s Paul here – attempting to find  the most the most appropriate focus for the next few days.

It seems to me that sorting out the clothes issue is a useful starting point.  It takes Maureen so long to get dressed each morning.  The whole searching exercise is often so exhausting that she often goes to bed before the day has started.  This will not be a simple matter as many, including myself, have tried and failed on this front.

Just to get us off on positive footing this morning I have washed her favourite pair of joggers.  She lives in her ‘Blueis’, as we call them, and they will be needed as it is cool this morning.  I am fairly confident that I will be able to find a t shirt and jumper to complete her outfit for today.  None of this is easy as: ‘nothing fits, belongs to her or it smells of perfume’.

If things go well this morning we will search the stores in Grimsby for a few more additions to her extensive wardrobe.     With luck several garments, deemed unsuitable, that have never been worn and still have labels attached will be returned. Finding suitable underwear is a real priority: Maureen is really low on on things that fit and provide support.  It will be a real bonus if we are successful in that area.

There is no doubt that we cannot carry on like this.  So much time is being wasted in the daily search for suitable clothing to wear.  I will just have to tough it out and confront Maureen with her dilemma of either putting up with what she has or looking for something that is better.  The endless rigmarole that takes place every morning has to end.

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About Remember Me

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and now has mixed dementia. Her recovery from stroke has been exceptional apart from 50% loss of peripheral vision and vascular damage. 'Dharma For Dementia' is my approach to being Maureem's Care Partner: it aims to end the suffering of 'Prescribed Disengagement' (Swaffer) .
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